A Tour Of The Abyss Read online

convictions

  Latching on to ideas and beliefs

  Getting dragged around

  Avoiding confrontation

  Living the pseudo-life

  Must be true to myself

  The time is never right

  To piss off the host and assert oneself

  Walking on eggshells

  Existing with bated breath

  To the spineless I bid farewell

  I created my own social death

  Walking tall; you deem it arrogance

  I call it confidence

  In your mouth dances heresy

  I’ve always hated your company

  You only covet yourself

  Your evils come a la carte

  That’s why I’m serving

  My thick face black heart

  Your diversion of friendship

  Hides what you savor

  Building pleasure on grief

  Is your favorite flavor

  You don’t like me? Get in line!

  Goodbye

  Boomerang logic gives it a throw

  Your sure bet has just crapped out

  Clarity’s arrival though not apropos

  Beckons that I no longer do without

  Hands tied I can’t help you up

  Floating in cold blood without a lagan

  Irretrievable without a doubt

  Speak to me of trust never again

  Crucified commitment

  The tact and couth of a sot

  Trading forthrightness for denial

  The last bite is the most bitter

  I can’t pay the ransom

  The hostage doesn’t want to be saved

  What triggered this downfall?

  You’re inhumed under a wall of regret

  Juggling emotions; when can I stop?

  Though looking through a mask of pain

  How do I say goodbye?

  To who once was my transcendent ally?

  The wall must be built

  A garrison to guard from malaise

  Enervation has taken its toll

  A necessary but heartsick segregation

  Letting go should be easy

  Looking back in history

  The next move needed is so final

  Why still the flame of misery?

  Guest

  Dine with me

  Your invited guest

  Our time carefree

  Here at your behest

  We sit together

  We click right away

  Don’t worry I won’t stay long

  Just let me know and I’ll be out today

  As you grow fond of me

  You will take heed to my suggestions

  I’ll remind you that your will is free

  I’ll make it a constant mention

  As we grow closer still

  You’ll find that I’m not the one you met

  But enjoy a slow coast downhill

  Know that I don’t pose a threat

  Constant companions now

  From master to minion

  Your periphery demands we part

  They’re entitled to their opinion

  From companion to pawn

  And substance to shell

  Every breath that is drawn

  Prompts pealing the death knell

  Though against your desires

  You tell me to go

  But you’ve long stoked the fires

  Your freedom for me; quid pro quo

  You’ll invite me back

  This is a given

  I’ve got your back

  Body and soul now riven

  Now in a sinister place

  You’re watching the score

  As a team we’re debase

  I’m the friend you abhor

  Sever the ties

  It can be done

  But I’ll offer you lies

  That it can’t be won

  A daily conflict

  Even down to the hour

  Body and mind contradict

  Living in your ivory tower

  Helpless

  Emotional tightrope

  Hope and suspicion fight for balance

  Self-dialogues from rote

  My neurotic parlance

  My affinity

  My weakness

  My decisions

  Help me digress

  Fool me once

  Though I foresaw

  Fool me twice

  Yet I won’t withdraw

  I gravitate toward the tactile

  Turn my back on the sage

  I’ve already walked this aisle

  Shut the book then turned the page

  An ill-matched contest

  Yet I go in for the kill

  Still I leave myself second-guessed

  Desires have overthrown my will

  This constant of life

  Should I even look for an outlier?

  Though I won’t settle for less

  I am my own saboteur

  I Don’t Know What I Want

  Our Genesis

  Led to our sweet Exodus

  Reciprocal rescue

  Building the legacy the days we spent

  Progeny

  Destiny

  Weaving the fabric for future days

  Internal solace

  Contingent on nothing

  Two souls with one thing to keep

  Who gladly brought their offerings

  Days drift into years

  Our affinity grew stronger

  The present subject to tears

  Those days are no longer

  Cryptic logic

  Taking more than your portion

  Your faculties sliding

  Into self-absorption

  Exuding denial

  Only fragments concluded

  From selfless to vile

  Perspectives deluded

  Motives are suspect

  Scattered dead zones

  Ringing your own neck

  You’re here but alone

  Reaping already

  What was foretold

  Brazen but clueless

  Damn the torpedoes

  Don’t know what you want?

  But know what you don’t

  Persuading delusions

  Excuses from rote

  Collateral damage

  The onus is yours

  For the psyches you’ve pillaged

  You’ll wear the scourge

  I Stand Still

  I stand still

  You’re waning from sight

  Circling this hole to fill

  Self-dialogues become trite

  Graveyard children dragging shadows

  Imminent heartache waiting to fall

  Solace ebbs as decisions disendow

  Consciousness demands doleful recall

  Withdraw, deflate, a torpid form

  Pain now the surrogate

  For what used to be the norm

  Willingness for an open mind abates

  The present begs qui vive

  Recalling the past offers only sorrow

  Only rattled stability on which to cleave

  No glimpse of hope on which to rest for the morrow

  Expectations fade into the void

  The nagging inquisition persists

  Rummaging for what I haven’t tried

  Obscurity infests as I reminisce

  Integrity

  Show me where it hurts

  So I know where to aim

  I don’t need the rules

  I’m the master of this game

  Malign, vilify, seek pity, and bemoan

  Coddle and reassure as you sever the head

  High priestess of dysfunction; inherit the throne

  No filter or net; give yourself the go-ahead

  Words cleverly chosen

  To be lauded and admired

  A closer look post-delivery

  Words wrapped in b
arbed wire

  Beating the mule without mercy

  But it doesn’t realize its fate

  Develops a taste for your heresy

  Always declines to recriminate

  Unyielding ground and brass sky above

  Impenetrable edifice amidst sanity’s rubble

  Loathsome effluence from puppy love

  From open and luxurious make the move to your hovel

  Your words and deeds hit like a fist

  Not far away I’m now looking to fight

  I’m not guilty of innocence

  No better than you we’re not in the right

  Endless conundrum

  Futile efforts to elucidate

  Grieving; the rule of thumb

  Evil in the human soul is innate

  Intrinsic

  I am part of you; we share the same vessel

  Of a mysterious origin, I exist

  With you from birth yet I am ageless

  Inseparable; the two are one, you get the gist

  I’m the nature of man

  The enemy in your back pocket

  Contesting me, is the game plan

  For anything can be my target

  Just take in what’s around us

  The depravity of man

  Darkness, demons, or evil

  Label me using what you can

  Like a creepy gardener peeking through the window

  I make my rounds with timing impeccable

  It’s your evil thoughts and actions that I bestow

  The force I wield is other-dimensional

  Evil with a proclivity for good

  Unfortunately it’s not the other way around

  Get used to it, let it be understood

  From early beginnings remember what Abel found

  Don’t think me fatalistic, it shows through history

  We need to see all of the cards

  Knowledge of self makes this less of a mystery

  It’s time to throw off the old guard

  Lucid

  I’ve one foot in and I’ve one foot out

  I’m positive but I have my doubts

  A pat on the back while flipping the bird

  I’m translating not knowing what I’ve heard

  Take your time but make it snappy

  Let yourself go but hold on for now

  Always smiling but never happy

  I’m the expert who doesn’t know how

  Detail oriented just thrown together

  My whole life ahead of me with just one last chance

  I’ll concentrate on the present going on forever

  The band is buttoned down but I can’t dance

  Though I’ve never done it I’ll not ask how

  I’m feeling entitled and rightfully so

  I shouldn’t be trusted, and to this I will avow

  I’m out of control and have my ducks in a row

  It’s a well thought out plan as I roll the